Thursday, March 22, 2012

Rohypnol Space Adventures: A Short Story

Every now and then I get bored and start browsing the Internet for some amateur short stories on blogs, fan-fic sites etc. Sometimes you find some really quite interesting, thought provoking and cleverly written pieces.

Most of the time however you find inane chatter that makes me think that the person “writing” these stories slipped themselves some Rohypnol and posted whatever their forehead managed to smash on the keyboard while they were unconscious. My personal favourites were the ones that were obviously meant to have intricate, fleshed out universes (like The Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter) but missed out the rather crucial step of NOT ACTUALLY EXPLAINING A GOD-DAMN THING FIRST.

So in honour of these special “stories” I set myself a challenge:

Make the Most Nonsensical Story Possible Within Three Minutes

So ladies and gentleman I present to you my efforts.


Daniel Heidenburg’s fingers trembled as he, with baited breath, pressed the Flaxug Command Defense Network Mobiliser. He had been waiting for this moment for nearly seven blargons, knowing full well what the ramifications of his actions would be. The Vxtion would surely hear about this and Daniel knew what he must do. Running as fast as he could back to the Giokne his mind was on Yul Xacd and his friends.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the great looming gates of the Giokne appeared before him. Daniel burst through the Hadsh doors and into his chambers, frantically throwing possessions into his satchel. His eyes fell onto his bedside Pritchon where a photostamp of his parents sat. Daniel felt tears pricking from behind his eyes. He knew he would never be able to return to this place. Qwarths went by as Daniel hid behind the Baxner praying to Jior that he would not be spotted. The slightest movement would betray him to the Nurth, who would surely take him away to work in the Zewd Mines. The mines were a fate worse than death; people spoke of them in frightened whispers and no one who had been taken there had ever returned.

When Daniel was twelve blargons of age his father, Charles Heidenburg was taken to Zewd as punishment for committing Luthe, the highest level of betrayal to the Regth. Here Daniel lay, ten blargons later trying to avenge his father, bring down the Regth and bring peace to the Derths. He had taken the first major step today by mobilizing the Flaxug Command Defense Network, but there was so much more to be done.


Daniel felt the cold metal of a Kipthon phaser pressing into his Plofgh. He closed his Wrechton, and waited for his fate…

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