Friday, July 01, 2011

Technological Nightmare On Speed

"So you're looking to get a new phone/tablet/smartphone/netbook/laptop/ebook? Well that's great."

"Yes, I just want something that's easy to use."

"Have you considered the new iDeluxe Universe-DroidTron A-4500s Bollocks-Enhancing iDeathBot 7700-H2-II with the new iCream-Donut 2.9.49s IV iOS?

"No, I haven't."

When it comes to technology, the consumer market has very quickly evolved to the point where we are constantly bombarded by high-gloss finishes, flashing lights and elaborate software-wankery. What was once an exciting time is starting to seem more like a technological nightmare on speed.

Seriously, tech is advancing so quickly that it's not only impossible to keep up with the Joneses, but it's even more impossible to comprehend the monthly plethora of minutely different products with names the manufacturers violently regurgitated in an attempt to confuse us into thinking their product is the most sophisticated because it has the most hyphens and numbers. Actually, I've found that in some cases, if you have a quality product and you know your shit, the names tend to be simpler and there's little to no bullshit. Go figure.

I have been doing some research lately because I'm warming to the idea of a tablet device. Basically I already have a PC and want simple tasks to be more mobile. Fair enough? Well maybe, but I have been known to gravitate toward shiny new products boasting a 0.615% reduction in thickness and can perform twice as well as the last. Anyway, never mind that.

When it came to journeying across the vast oceans of the internet on a quest for the ideal product, this is what I found:

Are all these manufacturers retarded? Firstly, they have names with varying degrees of silliness, which is just plain confusing and annoying at the best of times. Secondly, we are precisely half way through 2011. That's 11.5 years into the 21st Century and only a select few can manage to suck the thickness below 10mm? what is this, the dark ages? Thirdly, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! Seriously guys, fire those brain dead dropkicks in the design department and hire some fucking teenagers to come up with fresh ideas so you can actually stand out from your competitors. How hard can it be? For a lot of us, how your device looks is the biggest deciding factor when it comes to actually purchasing something.

Clearly there is a large, profitable future in consumption devices. I personally think these companies need to start drastically setting themselves apart from one another before I willingly go out and spend a grand or we'll all die a horrible, confusion-related death.

- Aaron.

1 comment:

Kostas said...

Probably why they made a white iPad. At least it stands out from the sea of darkness that is our tablet PC market?

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