Friday, July 15, 2011

Facebook: The Sucker of Souls


Holy shit guys! Guess what?! You just saw a friend of a friend, make out with their best friends ex...So what chu gonna do with all that junk...all that junk inside...never mind.

 
You’re going to post it on Facebook. You know you are. Don’t even try to deny it, cause admit it girlfran, this will be even more of a hit then that time you made ‘the most awesome ham and cheese toasty ever’ and let’s just say...that post got you wicked ‘likes’...


Ladies and gentlemen, there is no use locking up your children, because this new syndrome is sweeping your homes! And let’s face it, you have a computer in every other room of the god damn house?! Facebook is harmless right?! Right?! WRONG. FACEBOOK IS CONTROLLING YOUR CHILDREN’S LIFE. Even sadder still it’s probably controlling your wish wash, boring old minds, with such excruciatingly fascinating things as ‘Farmville’ or ‘Mafia Wars.’

What’s this new syndrome called you ask? Why I thought you never would.

INTENSLYUSELESSNEWSFEEDUPDATESYNDROME: the symptoms are as follows;

1.     You find yourself needing to check facebook every five seconds...juusstt in case you have an update, in more extreme cases this can even invade once intimate occasions e.g. dinner with friends, maybe even banging that hot chick next door...

2.     You post about completely useless things, which no one in their right mind would have any god damn interest in unless they themselves are suffering from the syndrome...this might include posts about the general health of your toenail, or maybe, if we’re lucky...about the boyfriend stealing ho, we mentioned right at the start of this little foray.

3.     Facebook rules your life...including your events calendar....if there was an event, and it wasn’t posted on facebook, you don’t know about it...even if the invitation was sent in a bright red envelope, stamped with an ‘urgent the world will end if you don’t read this letter’ which is lost among many other letters warning you of your impending doom, your electricity bill and your eviction notice. Because why could you possibly need to communicate outside of your facebook inbox?

4.     And FINALLY, posting on Twitter and sharing it into your facebook, because let’s face it, if you’re going to have a social-networking mistress on the side, you at least want them to interact.

To conclude this rant I’d just like to say....you’re a bunch of mindless facebook stalking zombies...and I absolutely HAVE to make a status about this....’Like’ it yeah?


- Kayla

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