Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Under the Influence of Alcohol #1


(Alright, so this is a completely unedited article that I’ve written after a few drinks. OK, fine, more than a few drinks. A lot of drinks, ALL of the drinks, ever.)

Basically I was sitting at my computer thinking of something to write about and then I posted a status on Facebook about being really bored and the next thing I know I’m at the local pub having many beers despite the fact that I drove there and only got my car back today, it’s fine, thank you for asking but now I’m thinking that this sentence is getting REALLY long so I might put in a full-stop soon although now I’m questioning the need for that hyphen back there between ‘full’ and ‘stop’ which is further extending the length of this sentence.

I wonder if that qualifies as a paradox? Worrying about a sentence’s length extends the sentence? Is that paradox material?

I didn’t write anything there for about 10 minutes because my clothes smelled like cigarettes so I went and took them off but then I was cold so I put my pyjama booties on. That’s right I have pyjama booties and I’m a 21-year-old man, what of it? I bet I’m much more comfortable than you are right now. You’re probably sitting in your regular clothes thinking ‘Shit, I’d much rather be in comfortable pyjama booties right now because my feet are powerful cold.’ But guess what? You don’t have pyjama booties. Your feet are going to be cold and socially awkward without my booties, and I bet that you’re feeling pretty miserable because your feet aren’t making that awesome ‘sssh’ noise when you walk due to the fabric sliding together. Because that’s a pretty decent sound and I’d imagine that you’re fairly jealous.

The Booties

Aaron and I are now having kettle problems so we’re having a bit of a rage at our kettle because it only has one job and it’s kind of being a dick about it and is refusing to do its one and only job.

I’ve done it again and now I’m stressing over whether my use of ‘its’ is the correct ‘its’ or whether it should be ‘it’s’ because does a kettle really own it’s job? Can an inanimate object own its purpose?

Oh, dear I’m getting philosophical again. Alcohol = Philosophy Juice. I wonder is Socrates was off his face all of the time? Probably, there wasn’t much else to do in ancient Greece was there?

Aaron and I are now arguing about shaving arms because he has a Band-Aid on and I think that shaving your arm would be a little weird and now it’s becoming a whole conversation about waxing which I don’t think is a very practical topic. But it might be in some countries, I’m not sure.

I promise I’ll make something much better next time.

Sorry.

- Tom.

3 comments:

Kayla said...

I laughed, A lot.

Kayla

P.s. What are pyjama booties?

The Two Finger Scroll Team said...

Hello! I've added in a picture of the booties for you to have a look at, and no my feet aren't on the wrong way. It's the cheapness of the booties deceiving you.

- Tom

Anonymous said...

You forgot about the birds.
There were some pretty fwah birds in Ancient Greece.

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