Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Out of Context Ramble #1: Admiral Excitement

Today I impressed a guy I had just met in my house with almost every sentence I said, which made me feel like God or a T-Rex. At the time of writing this I can’t quite remember his name, so instead of writing the wrong one and making a dick out of myself I’m going to call him Admiral Excitement. I decided to rank him Admiral to negate any possibility of ‘hard feelings’. Our conversation went something like this:

(Me standing in the kitchen when Admiral Excitement walks into our house)

Me: “Hey”

Admiral Excitement: “Oh, hi, is Kostas here?”

Me: “Um, I think he’s in his room…”

Admiral Excitement: “Oh, so you’re like his housemate or something?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m basically here to make pies.”

(I forgot to mention that I was making taco beef mince leftover pies at the time, it is also here that Admiral Excitement becomes impressed the first time)

Admiral Excitement: “Wow! That’s a lot of pies you have there!”

Me: “I guess so, my pie maker makes four at a time, so…”

(My pie maker is like a sandwich press that has holes cut into the shapes of pies. You dump pastry and whatever the hell else you want in there and it turns your half assed jumble into delicious pies. It is literally the greatest kitchen utensil I own. Also at this point Admiral Excitement’s level of impressed-ness begins to escalate, which I will represent with an increase in font size, based on his level of excitedness at the time.)

Admiral Excitement:  “That’s awesome!”

Me: (Having run out of pie-related conversation) “So, what are you and Kostas up to tonight?”

Admiral Excitement:  “Oh, we’ll either watch a movie or play some video games.”

(Having found a topic I actually held an interest in, I tried to steer the conversation towards it)

Me: “Oh ok, cool, Girlfriend and I spent all of last week playing Portal 2.”

(At this point Admiral Excitement becomes fascinated that Girlfriend could somehow enjoy playing video games whilst owning a set of female genitalia simultaneously. It had also become apparent that Admiral Excitement's internal excitement production centre was the world's first authentic example of perpetual energy. It fed on itself. There was no stopping it now.)

Admiral Excitement: WOW, you are a legend! How did you manage to find a girl that likes video games??”

Me: Uhh, I don’t know, she just likes them I suppose. Oh if you’re going to watch TV I downloaded (insert names of two 90’s cartoons here) if you guys want to watch them.
Admiral Excitement: WOW!”

Me: ….?
Admiral Excitement: YOU ARE A LEGEND!”

- Tom

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