Friday, April 22, 2011

Being a Dickhead's cool

Alright. So you're walking down the street, past the usual over-abundance of generic overpriced coffee shops and sub-standard Italian restaurants, searching for a table somewhere. Despite the numerous venues, there aren't any free tables. Could it be that you've chosen the complete wrong time of the day to sit down to enjoy a burnt coffee/plate of subpar pizza, or could it be the growing infestation of Hipsters?


You want to scream in frustration with every part of your body "YOU FUCKING HIPSTERS! DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE RUNDLE STREET?" But you don't. Instead, you shut the fuck up and keep walking. You go around the corner, walk some more, around the next corner and walk a little further. By this time you've covered 12 blocks, your feet have fallen off, and you're no closer to sitting down to relax because the city is full of jobless, fashion-ignorant Hipsters.

Below are examples of good Hipsters and bad Hipsters:







Why, you ask? Why are Hipsters such a plague to modern society?

Simple. Regular people become trapped in Hipster World, through possible fault of their own.

You see, in Hipster World, bicycles don't exist with more than one gear, cigarettes only come unassembled and everyone has perfect eyesight, therefore needing no lenses in their frames. Bands can be cool if their music is only liked by you, and it's a rule that all male/female hairstyles must be variations of the cover of David Bowie's Aladdin Sane.



Being trapped in Hipster World forces you to conform to a sub-culture of sub-culture-haters. It's a sad state of affairs when this happens, and is the primary cause of my frustration, but I won't go into that right now. 

Here's the simple version:

When you're a Hipster, you forget who you are, what you did for a living and where you live, so leaving the coffee shop/pub/restaurant never really becomes necessary. Your misdirected and poorly executed rebellion against society has blinded you of your purpose in life.

- Aaron

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